Of Metals and Medals.....

The Indian shooters, boxers and wrestlers have done the nation proud with their exploits at the recently concluded Olympics. The melee of accolades and criticism that followed in the media circus was delightful in its raw energy and passion.

The coaches attributed the noble conquests to the great Indian spirit, paneer parothas for breakfast and biryani for dinner, interlaced with buttermilk and pan of course. The administrators quickly pressed the government for subsidised rates on paneer and other dairy products in the golden akhada belts across Punjab and Haryana, which is currently under review of the home and finance ministries.

Of course India would have scored a higher tally if the akhadas had received the imports of genetically modified red soil from Uzbekistan in time. The CBI has also commenced an enquiry on a tip off received from Interpol, that there was a conspiracy hatched by the Uzbek officials in tampering with the red soil, to undermine the efficiency of the Indian wrestlers.

In light of the startling success, the sports administrators, under the aegis of the Planning commission, have constituted a committee that would draft the blueprint for defining five year plans for sports development in India. The blueprint would attempt in defining the success metrics and the norms for defining talent, ensuring a socially beneficial approach to all sections of society. The blueprint is targeted to be submitted for review to the Sports and Human Resources ministries in Geneva in 2010. The first five year plan is targeted to be ready for review by early 2012, but there is also an attempt to synchronize the same with the planning commissions plan cycles. A sub commitee comprising of three chief justices and Ms. Mayawati has been constituted to submit the synchroniztion plan by 2011.

In the meanwhile the Indian Olympic association in conjunction with the ministry of defense is proposing that the Param Veer Chakra be bestowed upon Mr.Bindra for valour and determination displayed in the arena of shooting. The armed forces are in deliberation, as there is no precedence for the said honour being awarded outside the perview of armed conflict by a civilian. Mr. Bindra has currently ceased all communication with the fourth estate as a photo deal with Hello magazine is currently undergoing finalisation for the much awaited event in which he would be gifted a gun by Angelina Jolie. It has also been rumoured that the actress has indicated her willingness to adopt Mr. Bindra's baby / babies as and when they may be born. The ministry of family planning is currently examining the nuances in the context of international policy and believes that a case may be lodged against Mr. Bindra if he were to proceed with the export of his progeny in the event of their conception, development or delivery. In the meanwhile Mr. Bindra and his organs have been provided "Z" grade security by the Punjab government.

The Indian boxing federation has proposed the formation of a SSZ (special sporting zone) along the lines of SEZs, wherein import of coaching equipment and coaches would be exempt from conventional duties and tariffs. The customs authorities have enquired on the nature of products that would require exemption and if at any point of time the list would go beyond boxing gloves and referee whistles. It has also been proposed that any gold or silver that is imported on account of the international medals and trophies that may be won by the athletes trained in these zones be exempt from the existing tariff structure.

The formation of a national 20-20 boxing league is being contemplated, wherein there would be 20 rounds of 20 seconds each, to promote the sport. The matter has been referred to the International Boxing Council, which in turn has referred the same to the ICC in view of their recent experience in this dimension. Mr. Malya has already come forth and expressed his keenness in sponsoring the alcohol and beer requirements of the boxing teams during the course of the tournament as and when it commences.

In the meanwhile, the prime minister has issued an official communique applauding the achievement of our athletes, and has granted a cash prize of Rs. 50,000 to every medal winner. The PMOs office has sought an attestation from the Chinese authorities, the Beijing Olympics committe and the IOC on the certificates issued to verify their genuiness and also a no objection certificate from the local Tehsils office in conjunction with the respective State government. The athletes would also require to execute a bond ensuring that the amount with interest is returned to the government in the eventuality of any of these atheletes being suspected or prosecuted of drug abuse, and the said money also be deposited with the government if they were to travel outside the country to represent their country. The matter is currently under review and final ratification is currently being sought from the Cabinet and the president.

In the meanwhile, the national airline carrier has refused to release the athletes baggage till their dues have been paid and the medals are currently under seal in a bonded warehouse. The athletes had not declared that they were importing the precious metals and are currently out on bail!

Heres to the Olympic flame!

(The above wordle image is accessible here)