You've got mail......

There is something about the phenomenon of email, that triggers a heady cocktail of emotions in the corporate world. This oxygen of corporate life has provided a medium to keep abreast, seek approvals, set time-lines, shift responsibility, question assumptions, gather feedback and cover ones moves from all possible stakeholders at all times!

With over 40% of corporate life spent in downloading, reading, drafting, retrieving emails, the email revolution has pretty much redefined corporate life as we know it today. I quite envy our forefathers that welcomed each new day with the sound of chirping birds and the fresh rays of the breaking sun breaking through the bedroom drapes. The chirps have now been substituted by its electronic avatar, as the first email has lit the screen on the spanking new mobile device that has proclaimed the climb gradually towards the corner office.

It appears that the boss is taking an early morning flight and has decided to refresh the task list for the day along with a minor change in the quarterly projections and also suggested a new revenue line to be incorporated in the upcoming budget planning cycle. This new device was incredible and helped me realize an all new inherent craving for caffeine shots prior to dawn.

I am not a morning person, and for some strange reason prefer the rustic rendition of “We have all the time in the world” by Louis Armstrong over formated text and attachments to captivate my senses in these early hours.The trudge to the kitchen is accompanied by the scrolling down action of my left thumb, which is rather proud of its newly acquired status and role in my professional success. The IT chaps have decided to flood the mail box with 23 emails proclaiming that there had been a shutdown of services between for 3 minutes at 2:12 a.m.,and they did regret the inconvenience. Also came across another email suggesting optimal usage of email services .....

As I poured the coffee into my Rolling Stones mug, received an update that the flight had been delayed by 17 minutes and that my appraisal document was not in the new format that had been rolled out by HR the earlier evening, wherein version 1.2.7 had been replaced by the all new 1.3.2 received from the global centre of excellence management.

The drive into office was a nightmare with intensive seismic activity triggered by the other departments in response to the emails received earlier in the morning. The car flirted with the security barricade as I knelt over to press the send button, not a wise driving practice but a critical manouvere ensuring that the response was the first to reach the group. The email had captured that vital first spot, the honours had been claimed, the upper hand had been obtained. This was going to be a great day.

The daily ritual of booting the laptop has lost its charm. One would look forward to seeing the flurry of emails being downloaded as they unfolded new opportunities, twists and events that had emerged since the previous evening. As I scan my portable email device, I also await the email service on the laptop to dish out some new surprises. It has just dawned upon me that I needed two corporate email accounts to drive my adrenaline and quest for information. The email was driving my basic but crude male urges for intrigue, suspense and conflict. It hurtled onto to me a series of communications and challenges in varying momentum and intensity, testing and honing my warrior instincts.

The bugdet meeting was due in an hour, and I shot out a query enquiring the new cost of capital. Promptly received responses from a chap in Lima and another from Tokyo, the former indicating that it would be 72 basis points over the current years, and the latter apologizing for his ignorance, but suggested that I contact the CFO in Seoul, who had been politely marked in the communication. It was always stimulating and constructive to connect with peers across the globe, but realized that I had pressed reply on an incorrect email and hence marked the query to a set of kind gentlemen on a different continent, quite unrelated to my business.

I’ve evolved a social connectivity theory in which it has been scientifically proven that if you were to send an email on a random subject to an even more random choice of personnel on your global mailing list, you would receive a response from 8 out of 10 recipients, with most presenting their point of view on an aspect to which they have no connect whatsoever!

I chose to ignore the strange course of events when the CFO from Seoul responds politely wondering why we had not completed our budgets yet, with a cc marked to some weird sounding name. This was getting weird, I proceeded to scan his details discovering that he was quite high on the food chain, and decided to politely clarify the confusion. A polite draft having been marked to all concerned and confident that no more distractions would intrude on the crucial budget preparation, the chap with the weird name sends me a cryptic email enquiring on my coordinates and the expected time lines for budget closure.

I had no time for this, I pursued with frustration and suggested that he mind his own business in his own country or at least his own continent. The office was soon resonating with high decibel activity of keyboards and verbal volleys. Over the course of the following hours and the resultant electronic onslaught, the chap with the weird name emerged as the divine soul who indeed ruled over the global budgets.

As the day excruciatingly steered its way to dusk, it left in its path a trail of emails, video conferences and deadlines that would make Katrina feel like a gentle breeze.

As I massaged my fingers, I cast my gaze in admiration at my companion and partner in battle, my virtuous keyboard, and introspected on the successful storm that I had assisted the company in overcoming.This had been a truly fulfilling day! The budget could wait another day...